I'm in a lighthearted mood right now so let's open this post with a joke, and one that I've conveniently lifted in it's entirety from a recent BBC article discussing the same topic as this post. A reporter walks up to an Israeli, a Russian and an American and says "Excuse me, what's your opinion on the food shortage in Africa?" The Russian asks "what's an opinion?" The American asks "what's a shortage?" And the the Israeli asks "what's excuse me?" (Zing!!!) Believe me, if you've ever been a foreigner living in Israel, not only do you get this joke, but it's hilarious. Native Israelis will tell you that they are frank, direct, to the point, brisk, etc., etc., but never rude. As much as I like living here, I'm sorry, but I just have to call a spade a spade.
Almost all of the Israelis that I've met, and have had a chance to get to know, have been extremely nice and welcoming. And yet, just walking around Tel Aviv running errands or doing whatever else, there is a chill that I get here that I can't say I've ever felt anywhere else. Passersby don't smile, and they certainly don't speak. Customer service appears to be a completely foreign concept at most Israeli businesses that I've visited - good luck getting help from a salesperson. I could recount any number of times that I've acknowledged, by way of some gesture or words, someone that I see all the time only to be met with crickets in return. And it's not just me. All of the displaced people I know in Israel, and not all of them Americans such as myself, have shared with me the exact same observation. You would be hard-pressed to find someone who's been in Israel more than 3 months and doesn't have a story about being cut in line by an Israeli who simply found their own time to be more valuable. This is an amazing country with a rich history, an improbable story, and some of the most breathtaking sites in all the world. But, and I hate to say it, a lot of people are kind of...well...rude. At least to the average foreigner.
Here's an anecdote. Last week a very good friend of mine flew home after visiting with us for a couple weeks. She caught a very unfortunate stomach bug just before she boarded the plane, which resulted in innumerable embarrassing trips to the bathroom during her 11 hour flight. A couple things made this already unbearable scenario even worse, and they all involve her fellow passengers. Firstly, she had a window seat, which meant that every time she had to go, she had to climb over two people next to her. If someone is visibly sick, to the point that they are holding multiple barf bags at the same time, it seems to me the logical thing to do would be to give her the aisle seat since clearly she will need to make use of the aisle more than anyone else. Instead, she was yelled at in Hebrew by the the two people next to her for not allowing them to sleep. And they didn't want the window seat, that was her problem. And not one person offered to help her, to get her some water, to give her a hug (she cried the whole flight), not anything, as she sat green-faced and vomiting all the way back to the states. I find that story to be pretty incredible. Clearly she was surrounded by some callous individuals who are in no way typical of all Israelis. But at home, I cannot even fathom such a situation happening, and that is certainly not because there are no callous individuals in the U.S., but still I just can't envision that. Here however, I just wasn't that surprised. When she boarded her connecting flight in New Jersey en route to Florida, the man sitting next to her stood up whenever necessary so she could have more space and constantly offered to help in whatever way he could. Granted this was a 2 hour flight instead of 11. But she told me that the mood on that flight was completely different. That people were warm and expressed their sympathies even if there wasn't really anything they could actually do to cure the stomach bug. And that made all the difference.
One feature of Israeli society that makes this phenomenon all the more mind-boggling to me is that Israelis tend to be very image conscious at the same time. They are concerned that Israel gets a bad rap on the international stage and go out of their way to let you know that they are a caring and compassionate bunch. I told this story to a few of my Israeli friends and they all had the same relative reaction - a fear that I would judge all Israelis like the passengers on my friend's flight, combined with a plea to do just the opposite. Of course I do not think badly of Israeli society at all. But one thing that I do believe is missing here by and large is warmth between strangers. One friend, who happens to be half of one of the nicest couples I've ever met in Israel or anywhere else for that matter, says it's a recent development. Growing up in Jerusalem when Israel was much younger he says, was a great experience where everyone felt like neighbors and you were treated accordingly. Somewhere along the path of Israel developing into the prosperous society that it is today, people moved up and moved on, and became very self-centered in the process. "It's sad", he says to me, "and I can't figure it out." But he's definitely not the first to try. Some people say compulsory military training yields a more stern population. Others believe that Israel's presence in the mostly Muslim middle east, and it's constant vulnerability to terrorism and war makes people put up a tough exterior. I'm not sure what it is, but in researching this topic I have come across a new Hebrew word which may help to explain things. 'Sabra' is the term for a native Israeli. It's also the name of prickly desert plant resembling a cactus. In other words, the sabra is prickly on the outside, but soft and tender inside. So maybe that's all the explanation I need.
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